GET ME ANOTHER 'WIVES'

Strolling down the aisle of a mall, whether to get that fancy cloth or have a taste of that lovely meal or visit the cinema-choice preoccupies and directs our decision as to which movie to see, clothes to buy or the restaurant that will nourish our appetite. So the saying goes that variety is the spice of life. As humans, we love to choose from the options that have been given to us. The 3rd January 2010 Sunday Times Newspaper Publication fuelled my urge to find out how men perform in the transfer market with the marriage business. The article titled “More sex please, we’re French (and we’re married) was graced in the front page- next to it was another which goes, “Zuma takes the fifth”. A French psychologist was quoted as saying that cheating husbands help make good marriages. May be Maryse Vaillant is the only woman that understands the sexual prowess of men, she said , “To imagine that love always goes hand in hand with absolute fidelity will expose us to disappointment adding that monogamy is not natural to humans. One of her books Men, love and fidelity was aimed at young women in love who she said must understand that monogamy conspires against a lasting relationship. It still goes on to say that when men stray it does not mean they do not love their wives. Men dream of sex but are able to separate sex from love more easily than women. She believes that obsessive fidelity is as much of a plague in a marriage as serial infidelity. I would have loved him to stray a bit, she says of her former husband, “But no he was too lazy”. The refusal of married men to be tempted by other women is merely a symptom of some deeper malaise. There are men who are faithful because they are incapable of being unfaithful, she concluded.

The underlying question remains - Is Man Polygamous by Nature? The fact is that polygamy has been practiced by mankind for thousands of years even the scriptures testified to this. “Marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one or one that your right hand possess. That will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.” (Quran 4:3)

Had an audience with quite a couple of middle aged men, who voiced their views,

Hartley - a married man who admitted that he won’t marry a second one but got other girl friends outside his marriage and claims that the relationship with those ladies are physical and not emotional admitting to loving his wife more than all other girl friends of his.

Nkosi- a happily married man as he addressed himself admitted that the relationship with his wife has survived its 13th year simply because he had extra-marital affairs occasionally and this motivated him to continue loving the wife.

However, I extended my audience to young single men who generally voiced that men should be allowed to marry whoever they want to, they continued that this is a free country after all and it doesn’t hurt anyone if they marry whoever they want to. But young single and married women consented to a different version of the men.

Amanda- a single mum who is in a relationship was quoted as saying, “Polygamy makes no sense to me, Woman or man”. Admitting that she is the jealous type and wish not to share his man with anyone.

Browsing through the online guide for bedding women, it analysed the married man’s routine. Ask any married man if he thinks he was hit on more when he was single you will be surprised to learn he has been approached more as a married man. What is it about married man that women find so attractive? Easy, it is because she can’t have him. Women are competitive; they want what another woman has. If a woman believes that a man already has a woman, then there is a quality in that man which another woman found worthy of pursuit.

Nomathemba- a single lady assented that there is much excitement and fun in sleeping with a married man, even the idea of getting caught increases her chance of powerful intriguing orgasm and she goes into his bed assured that this will be a one night stand with no strings attached. Asked if she knew that the men were married, she agreed that some of them don’t wear rings but deep down she knew they were married but don’t bother asking till the fun thrilling sex comes to a halt.

The fact remains that men have a choice to do whatever they like. A man can choose to be monogamous or polygamous. It’s like asking if men are born murderers or thieves. A man is what he does. He is not intrinsically one thing or the other. In one of my articles in the Cape Times News dated March 8, 2008, I voiced dissatisfaction on how Taxi drivers molested a lady on a mini-skirt, as men I believe we are motivated by our will but governed by intellect and reason.

In other words, I have yet to be convinced that we are born monogamous or polygamous; the only thing that makes sense is that we can choose what we want to become. I beg to differ with our lady friend Vaillant Maryse who reiterated that married women who complain that their husbands are off chasing skirts don’t realise how lucky they are, “At least they can sleep peacefully”. I believe men should honour and respect their wives or partners whether in a monogamous or polygamous relationship. Good luck with another wife.